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:::NWWA
Hostile Takeover is about to take place, and for the first time since 2002
Kurt Angle is going to step into an e-wrestling ring. Its been a long two
years off for the former six time world heavyweight champion, however he
is confident that he can hold the title belt over his head for a seventh
time. In order to do this Kurt will have to get to one of the most
respected men in the business, a hall of famer... The Rock. The Rock holds
the World Heavyweight Championship as of now, a title that The Phenom won
two years ago when he brought the World Title to the NWWA. Now, a man who
has held the title more times than he can count on one hand, a man who
dominated the WWF-E for four years, a living e-wrestling legend, Kurt
Angle joins the NWWA with high expectations from his boss Jason Kash and
fellow superstars in the NWWA. The scene opens up with a camera focused on
a locker room door that reads -Kurt Angle- on it. The crowd erupts as soon
as they see the sign on the door. Then the door opens up and Kurt Angle is
no where to be found. The camera moves around the room, then it focuses on
another door.:::
Kurt:
Oh geez! Cant a guy get any privacy around here!? I was trying to go to
the bathroom when I heard my door open! What is this, an interview? I
don't see anybody here to interview me! Come on, lets go get out I have to
go to the bathroom!
:::Kurt
shoves the cameraman out of his locker room, the crowd laughs, and then
the screen fades out.:::
...
:::Jim
Ross and Jerry "The King" Lawler are at ringside talking about
the arrival of the former seven-time World Heavyweight Champion - Kurt
Angle when suddenly his music hits and the crowd erupts with cheers. Kurt
walks out and looks around at the crowd with a grin on his face. He starts
walking down to the ring and waiving to the crowd. He steps into the ring
and spins around still with a huge smirk on his face. He is handed a
microphone and accepts it graciously with his right hand. Kurt holds the
microphone at his side for several moments, then he holds it up to his
face.::: Kurt:
Damn does it feel good to be back! I'm no sure where the hell I am right
now cuase I just got done doing something mind boggling in the bathroom
let me tell you... But I sure as hell am glad to be standing inside a
wrestling ring today! I think I'm going to get right down to business
here. Because see I have a lot to say. Since you haven't heard from me
since oh - 2002 - I figure I'll enlighten you on my life for the past two
years. I've been living happily with my dog Skip for the past two years. I
train and work out on a regular basis, and I took up Greco Roman Wrestling
as a matter of fact. Yes, I'm not only an Olympic Gold Medallist, but a
Greco Roman Wrestler! I know I just keep getting better and better. But
seriously, besides the fact that your World Heavyweight Champion eats
Fruity Pebbles for breakfast - you are what you eat Rock - you fruity
pebble you. I have something to say to The Rock. Rock, you may be a legend
here in the NWWA. Yes I can even see that you are in the hall of fame
well... Let me put down my mircophone and clap for you, we all should its
true! Its true! Former NWWA Champion who defended his crown five times
that's something I will clap... (Kurt
starts clapping and the fans boo) Oh
I'm just kidding. Rock I don't like you very much. You talk way too much,
more than I do I think. You make that funny face with your eyebrows... And
you're just a jackass! You hold a title that I am sure you have heard The
Phenom go on and on about like the thing means something to him. Oh yeah,
you're great. Held the title five times, but in two different feds. I've
held it six times in one company! Now, while we're on the Phenom topic -
Phenom - I can see that you are going for the NWWA Championship right now.
If you do just so happen to get so lucky as to win that title well then...
I'd like you to be a man and give me a shot, if that's ok with Mr. Kash
that is. If that is alright well then Phenom it will be like old times. Me
beating you, and you bitching and moaning about it the next day! Oh its
true people! You should have heard what he had to say in the old WWF-E! It
was incredible! "Oh, Deadman was up digging grave all last night!
Fell in and hit my head! Got hard in my pants and had sex with the
dirt!" Come on people, seriously! Who says that!? Not Kurt Angle, oh
no... Rock I'm not sure about but I bet even he isn't that sick! Phenom -
he's sick - really sick. Now I can see that the talent here in the NWWA is
very thin. With the acceptation of myself, the World's Champion - The Rock
- , Phenom, Kevin Nash, Blade Lopez... The rest of you guys stink! Jason
Kash you can give me anybody at Meltdown, I would be more than happy to
beat some sense into these young pups and show them what wrestling is all
about! Do you know why? Because I am Kurt Angle, and I take pepcid AC! Its
true people I just get that burning feeling in my chest right up in here
and I don't know, maybe its the ribs I had for lunch. Oh and for those of
you who were wondering, yes I did shave my head this morning! See I had
some hair, the thing is I knew that I would be making an appearance here
tonight, earlier than expected when they showed up in my locker room - oh
boy - I'm surprised that they didn't pass out from the smell that I left
in there. Anyway, that's why I shaved my head tonight incase any of you
Angle-maniacs were wondering! Now moving right along... Wait a minute, I
think I hear you people chanting my name! (The
crowd begins to chant "Angle, Angle!") Kurt:
Now moving right along. On Sunday night at Meltdown my opponent, the first
man who is standing my way to get back to the top of the e-wrestling
business - the first man standing in my way to get back to my World
Heavyweight Championship that I have already held six times thank you very
much - is none other than Paranoia. Mr. Noia if you will, who in the hell
are you? That's my first question. I know you're a bit paranoid - I mean
hey I would be too if I were facing a former six time World Champion - its
true folks, its true! See the thing is, I haven't heard from this Paranoia
character yet. But hey, its not my fault that the man is named after a
mental disease that leads to schizophrenia! Oh its true people, your
Olympic Hero is a very smart man indeed! I'm smart enough to know that Mr.
Mental Man can't beat me! I'm smart enough to know not to go and name
myself Skitzo or something ridiculous like that! People come on, I
represent America! I am with out a shadow of a doubt an American Icon!
People its true, I'm telling you its true! I mean I've held the World
Title SIX times, I've won a gold medal, and I'm pretty damn good looking
if I may say so myself, wouldn't all of you wonderful people here in
Houston, Texas agree with me! (the
fans cheer) Now,
Mr. Skitzo. I'm not sure what you were thinking when you came up with this
bogus name, but I will be the first one to tell you this. Your name sucks!
If I were you I'd change it to, Kirk Gibson. Or... Mel Angel, something
cool like that. Something that won't have me out here flapping my gums for
a half hour about how much your name simply - and excuse my prfanity kids
- but how much your name blows! It's true, come on people it is true isn't
it!? (again the
fans cheer) There
you Skitzo, the people of Houston, Texas all agree on how much your name
is absolutely horrible! Now, lets talk about some e-wrestling history,
shall we sir? You all know what my history is. I shouldn't have to repeat
if for the tenth time tonight. However now I'm going to go over Paranoia's
little e-wrestling history. It goes a little something like this. -
Paranoia never really wrestled before until he met Jason Kash - chairman
of the NWWA! Well Paranoia signed an NWWA contract... then he was booked
in a match against "King" Kurt Angle! Better known as "King
Kurt-a-lot" ! Now THAT is a great name, thank you very much. Well
Paranoia was scared out of his mind going into this match facing a six
time World Heavyweight Champion. Folks that's actually how Paranoia came
up with his stupid little name, he was so paranoid about facing me - Kurt
Angle - that he came up with the name PARANOIA! Folks that is the
e-wrestling true Hollywood story of a man named Paranoia! Now if you will
all excuse me I have to go finish what I started several minutes ago in
the bathroom, and THAT IS TRUE! (Kurt
drops his microphone and runs to the back. The camera slowly fades out,
and when it returns Kurt Angle is shown walking out of his bathroom in the
locker room shaking his head and mumbling something, but his words cannot
quite be made out. Kurt takes a deep breath and says, "Ah, fresh
Houston air I love it." Then he sits down and stares at a blank tv
monitor. There is a knock at the door.) Kurt:
Come on in, the door is open! (The
Phenom walks into Kurt's locker room and the crowd has a huge mixed
reaction. Kurt jumps to his feet and stands face to face with the former
four time World Champion.) Phenom:
Kurt. Long time no see, huh? Kurt:
Yeah, you can say that again Champ - oh wait - you lost that precious
World Title to The Rock, right? Phenom:
Yeah, the last time that I saw you I was kickin your ass for the World
Title, ain't that right? Kurt:
Yeah, you think that's so funny don't you Phenom? Well let me be the first
to tell you that I'm going to kick Paranoia's ass this Sunday at Meltdown,
and that's just step one on my road to the World Heavyweight Title. May I
remind you that I have held that title - Phenom:
Six times. Yeah, who you trying to impress kid? Kurt:
Certainly not you! Why should I have to impress you? What have you done
that is so much better than me? Oh whoop-dee-frickin-doo you beat me in
the final match that the WWF-E ever had, well guess what buster I'm back
for revenge. I'm not here because Jason Kash asked me to join this fed.
I'm back because I want my revenge on your frickin butt and my gosh I am
going to get it. You know that I have waited nearly two years to get back
into a wrestling ring, and the only person that I have ever wanted to face
- just once more - is you Phenom. Now I've trained harder than ever to
face you. I'm in top condition - and I highly doubt that an old man like
yourself would ever be able to stay in the ring with a guy like me - Kurt
Angle - six time World Heavyweight Champion - Phenom:
BOY HOW MANY TIMES YOU GOING TO SAY THAT SHIT!? You won it six, I've won
it four. Big deal. I'm going for the NWWA Title now. You want some of me
Kurt? Do ya? Then you bring your ass after the NWWA Championship, ya
understand that? (The
Phenom leaves the room in a frenzy.) Kurt:
Well maybe I just will then buster! And you had better watch your back
tough guy, because Mr. Gold-Man is coming to get you!! (Kurt
mumbles back to himself "Mr. Gold-Man?") Whatever,
I'm coming after you Phenom! Mark my words in a matter of weeks I will
have you in the ring right where I want you! No punk like PARANOIA is
going to get in my way from getting where I belong, from getting where I
was two years ago! To the top of the e-wrestling world! And if I have to
beat you to do that then so be it! I will run you down like a dog Phenom!
LIKE A DOG! (Kurt
sits down at his chair with a flustered look on his face. The camera
slowly fades out, and Kurt Angle's promo comes to an end.) |
